At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
