It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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