I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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