I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
