Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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