So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
