I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
