had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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