just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
