I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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