What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
