I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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