You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
