i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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