I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
