Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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