Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
