i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
