Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
