OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
