I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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