Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
