She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize