I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
