Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
