I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
