i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
whose parrot is this?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
