I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
