we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
