You're completely useless in the revolution.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
