Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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