I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
