I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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