so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
