In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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