I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
