the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
