Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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