Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
