We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
