I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
