Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
