she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
