I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
