Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just threw up on my dentist
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
