i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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