If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Drunk is not a location!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
