listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
