i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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