Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
