Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
