You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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