His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Holy shit dude........stairs
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
