Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Two words: nipple clamps
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