I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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