My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
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