I just saw a hot homeless man
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
