about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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