He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
