fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
