suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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