Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
