Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
