Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
