Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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