I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize