My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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