So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
