I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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