I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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