So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
