my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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