Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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