Buhtt sex?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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