Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
