Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
