No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
