The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
