Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
