Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
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