A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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