I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
