You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
