No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
