it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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