That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
