im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
