there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
