So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
