doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
