Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
