Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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