They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
