he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
