I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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