I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
