there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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