Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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