He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm bleeding and have questions
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