3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
