Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
