john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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