i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
