Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
my liver is dry heaving
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
