i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
