My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm having to shit out rocks
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize