im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the day after is always just damage control
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
